I’ve been meaning to share my story on No Fat Talk Tuesday for quite some time. I was actually planning on posting my story today, but it’s a story I’ve told very few people and it’s taken me longer to find the words than I had expected. So today, I want to talk about comparison. Man, I shudder just saying that word because of what it means of each one of us.
More often than not, the times when I tend to get down on myself most are the moments when I am surrounded by other women. Perhaps it’s because they are beautiful, or super outgoing, or because they always seem to be having a good time and I’m feeling like the Grinch. Whatever it may be at the moment, it strikes me to the core, and instead of enjoying the moment, I start to question who I am and what I have to offer those around me.
In the last couple months, I’ve become acutely aware that fat talk flows directly from a lack of security. Have you ever asked yourself why it matters so much? Why we feel the need to be the prettiest, skinniest, smartest or fittest woman in our social circles? I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately, trying to figure out why I fall into the comparison trap more often than I would like to. Then, last week, I read something that made me stop in my tracks. It spoke directly to me, and I’m guessing it might speak to you, too.
“Most of us have what I’ll call a prominent false positive: one thing that we think would make us more secure in all things. You want to know how you can pinpoint your own prominent false positive? The thing you associate most with security? Think of a person you believe to be secure and determine what earthly thing he or she has that you don’t feel like you possess, at least in the matching measure. That’s liable to be your prominent false positive: the one thing that would make you more secure in all things. Needless to say, we would all like any number of things to give us the security we’re after, but we each of a tendency to prioritize one above the rest. Our attachment to it is not a cerebral thing. Few of us would reason that the weight we’re giving to the object or circumstance makes sense intellectually. It’s an emotional thing. Often we’re not even aware of it, but we demonstrate it by the inordinate power we assign to it.”
– Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity
Did this hit you the way it hit me? If I had to identify my “prominent false positive” I believe it would be thinness. I’ve made strides toward healing and growth, but there are still times when I think that “If I was skinnier” I would be happier, more secure, more confident.
Now it’s your turn! I challenge you to identify your prominent false positive. If you’re comfortable enough to share, I would love to have a discussion in the comments section, too. I’ll be doing my best to answer the comments promptly.