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Although I may not be one for planning ahead, I’ve had this day marked on my calendar for the last 10 weeks. Ever since we found out just a few days before Valentine’s Day that we were expecting a baby due in October, I’ve had this day circled on my planner as the day I would publish a blog post announcing our good news. But as you may have already guessed, I won’t be sharing that happy news today. Instead, it’s with a sad and heavy heart that I’m writing about our second miscarriage in the last eight months.

It took me months to get up the courage to write about our miscarriage last time, when the emotions weren’t as raw and I had more time to process what we had experienced. This time I feel comfortable sharing about our experience in the hope that it helps others down the road in the same way that I’ve benefitted from hearing the stories and experiences of others. I’m not sure why miscarriage is such a hush-hush thing in today’s tell-all society. We talk about cancer, irritable bowel syndrome and the like in public forums but those who suffer miscarriages, or in our case recurrent miscarriage, are left to suffer silently. I refuse to fall prey to the lie that miscarriage is something to keep secret, and I think it’s our responsibility as Christian women to bring it into the light.

When we first found out we were expecting again, I was both elated and terrified. The idea of suffering another miscarriage so soon after our last was practically crippling. On the flip side, we had been trying to get pregnant for close to five months (temping, ovulation kits, the whole nine yards!) so that first positive pregnancy test ushered in a wave of pure joy. I knew the statistics: Only 5% of women have two consecutive miscarriages and only 1% have three or more consecutive miscarriages. In fact, your chances of a healthy pregnancy after a single miscarriage is actually better than if you had never had a miscarriage in the first place.

In the first few weeks of pregnancy I clung to those statistics, probably more than I should have. Additionally, I was feeling incredibly sick, something I didn’t feel with my first pregnancy, so I took it as a sign that everything was progressing as it should. As a precaution, my doctor put me on progesterone supplements to be safe, although my blood tests didn’t indicate any issues with low levels. We had an early ultrasound around the 7 week mark and saw a strong, healthy heartbeat and baby, which is, by many, considered a huge milestone and indicator that the pregnancy is progressing as it should. We felt comfortable enough to tell our family and some close friends and co-workers about our news and allowed them to share in our joy.

I continued to feel sick, went on a work trip, got sick some more and although I felt terrible I reveled in the sickness and the feeling of being pregnant; sickness was a small price to pay. Both of my sister-in-laws announced they were pregnant, meaning all of us Hofmeyer girls would be having babies within a six week span of one another. We texted frequently about our symptoms and how we were feeling, forming an even deeper bond over our shared experience of being moms together.

I started to write weekly pregnancy updates in the drafts folder of this blog. Weeks 6 through 11 are chronicled and tucked away, never to be published or shared like I had planned. There I detailed my symptoms and emotions week-by-week, wanting to remember every little detail, sure that I would be able to publish a post all about “pregnancy after miscarriage” instead of talking about that ugly phrase, “multiple miscarriages.”

Joe and I waited with great anticipation for Friday. We would be just shy of 12 weeks and at the appointment they would look for a heartbeat using a doppler. A healthy heartbeat and check-up would put us in the clear to tell everyone our news. I had no signs of miscarriage, no cramping or spotting or anything out of the ordinary. I had started to feel a bit better in the last week, but that’s to be expected as you near the end of the first trimester so I didn’t think much of it.

Our doctor, who is the most caring and gracious doctor I have met, eased my mind when she couldn’t find the heartbeat on the doppler. She said we could just head to the next room and she would do an ultrasound. The baby was small and probably hiding, and an ultrasound was more fun, anyway. But instead of hearing a heartbeat, I knew from the second she looked at the monitor that something was wrong. At 11 weeks it should have been easy to find and distinguish the baby, but instead our doctor squinted her eyes and said she only saw a baby that measured 8 weeks with no heartbeat.

My deepest fear realized. Life and our future changed in an instant. A big huge question mark about what this means going forward. It didn’t take long for the waterworks to begin as I sat in shock, our doctor holding my right hand, Joe holding the other.

I so deeply wish that I had a different story to tell, but I’m learning now more than ever that we don’t get to write our own story. My story and Joe’s story and the way our family will eventually come together is proving to be rockier than I had ever dreamed it would be. I’m heading in for surgery in the morning, and, quite frankly, looking forward to beginning the physical healing process. We will do tests this time around, pretty much all the tests we can do to identify the underlying cause of our miscarriages. During this time, I would so greatly appreciate your prayers, words of encouragement and, if you have them, your personal stories of pregnancy after a battle with infertility.

Over the next few weeks I plan to post a series of posts around the topic of miscarriage and my experience. Thank you so much for allowing me to grieve, process and share with you all. Your support, encouragement and uplifting words and prayers have meant everything to us over the last two days. The blog community (and our real-life community) never cease to amaze me. Thank you, thank you.   -Madison

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  • http://foodloveswriting.com/ Shanna

    LOVE to you my friend.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Love right back at you. Thank you for everything. You have been such an amazing source of light and God’s goodness to us in a time of need.

  • http://www.keepitsweetdesserts.com/ Lauren at Keep It Sweet

    I’ve been thinking about you all weekend and my heart is definitely hurting for you and your family. I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you but am hoping and believe that only better and brighter things are down the road for you. xo

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you, Lauren. I appreciate your words and your compassion more than you probably know. Praying for brighter days as well.

  • jesscuellar

    i’m so sorry to hear of your news. i hope tomorrow goes as well it can considering the circumstances. prayers and hugs.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you so much! The surgery went as well as we could have hoped and it does feel good to be on the other side of things physically. I’m so thankful for your prayers and virtual hugs.

  • chelsy

    My heart is aching for you and your family. Hang in there my dear! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Miscarriage is a rough thing to go through and even tougher to talk about. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with us. You honesty, gracious-ness, and faith is why I keep reading your blog posts. Trust in the Lord and he will see you through. I know he has plans for you. :)

    • MadisonMayberry

      Chelsy, thank you so much for the support. It is hard to talk about, but I’ve found so much peace through being able to share and from the kind and comforting words that so many people like you have shared with me. I’m so blessed by your comment. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  • Jill Wentworth

    I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers. As a woman who has struggled with fertility issues myself, I feel your pain and heartache. Your heart and faith are in the right place, trusting God and his plan for you and your family. For all of us women who are struggling with fertility in some way, I believe we must have faith in our Lord and the desires he places on our hearts. Your dream of having a family will come true in His time. Hugs and prayers sent you way.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Jill, it’s so nice to know we are not alone, isn’t it? I wish we didn’t have to have this common bond of sadness and heartache, but I believe that these experiences will make us stronger, better and more complete people. God has a great plan for both of us. I believe it with every fiber of my being! Thanks for the encouragement.

  • Liz @ Tip Top Shape

    I am so sorry that you and your husband have to go through this again. I have no experience with pregnancy after a trauma like this, or any pregnancy for that matter, and I so wish that I could give you encouraging words. My thoughts are with you and your family, and I hope your surgery goes well tomorrow.

    Many people have already commented on this, but I think you are incredibly brave and strong to write a post like this. I’m not sure that I could write this after going through what you have, and am so inspired by your strength.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you, Liz. Even though you haven’t experienced something like this, just taking the time to leave a comment and be an encouragement to me means a lot. I’m so grateful for this community and for the way you’ve lifted me up while Joe and I go through a season of loss and mourning. Thank you!

  • Elena

    This is something so, so close to my heart, and I resonated so closely with your story. Your words took me back to the joy of the positive test, the worry between doctors visits, and the pain of not seeing the heartbeat. I, too, had two miscarriages–the first after only trying for a few months, the second after trying for nine months and worrying it was never going to happen. The good news is, though, that I am now 20 weeks pregnant and feeling my baby girl’s kicks even as I write this. There is hope after miscarriage, and many, many women who miscarry (even twice or three times) go on to have babies. Every woman’s story and health concerns are different, but I know for me, the key was gaining some weight (I was underweight) and making sure I was getting enough healthy fats in my diet (fish oil supplements), as well as taking the progesterone and baby aspirin. Even at this stage, the fear never leaves, but each day I gain a little hope and a little faith that God is building the family he has for me. I believe he has a beautiful family for you as well. Thank you for having the courage to share your story, and I will be praying alongside you.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Oh Elena, thank you for your comment and for sharing a little of your personal story with miscarriage. I’m SO encouraged and uplifted by stories like yours and will be thinking of you and your little one in the months to come. I’m sure you will have quite the story to tell when she arrives. What a testament to God’s faithfulness. I am praying that in the months to come we get some answers and that God gives our doctors wisdom.

  • Giselle

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I have no personal experience with pregnancy or miscarriages, but my heart aches from hearing your story. I pray that you will be able to find healing, comfort and better health in your future. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is extremely brave of you.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you, Giselle. I know that sometimes it can be hard to know what to say when someone experiences miscarriage and you don’t have any personal experience to share, but you taking the time to write a note means a lot. I’m so appreciative.

  • Christal

    You are incredibly strong and courageous to write this, and I SO agree that it shouldn’t be something you have to suffer in silence with! I pray you and your husband may heal from this and grow even closer through it. God has a perfect plan for your family – He turns all bad things into good according to His purpose. Stay strong love!

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you so much, Christal! I’m so thankful for this amazing community and the way your comments have lifted my spirits during this difficult time. You are absolutely right, God has a perfect plan. It’s certainly not the plan I would have imagined for my family, but I am trusting that God’s ways are greater.

  • Stephanie @ Girl Versus Dough

    I’ve been thinking about and praying for you and Joe this weekend as I read the news on Instagram. I am so, so sorry, friend. You are so brave to share your story, and I know from many women in my life there is healing in sharing the suffering. Love to you. xo

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you so much, Stephanie. I’m so thankful to be uplifted by this amazing community of friends both in real life and those I’ve just met over the internet. You’re right, there is healing in sharing and I hope that someday my pain can help another along the way. I appreciate the prayers so very much.

  • Anne

    Madison – I am so so sorry. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I admire your strength and your courage to put your feelings out there. You’re going to be a great mom one day, no matter how you get there.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Anne, thank you so much. I’ve been absolutely blown away by the way this community has loved and supported me through this experience. It helps to share and to know that I don’t have to keep this silent. Thank you for the encouragement. You have no idea how much it means!

  • http://livefaithfully.blogspot.com/ Urban Wife

    Oh, Madison. I have no words except to say that I’m praying for you guys. You are so courageous in sharing about something incredibly hard to talk about.
    xoxo

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you, dear friend, you have been such an encouragement to me over the past week and I’m so thankful we “met” via our blogs. You’re a beautiful person with your own beautiful story to tell. Our God is faithful, that I know.

  • Kristen

    Don’t lose your faith in God’s perfect plan and His perfect timing! I had an early miscarriage before we got pregnant with our daughter, who is now 16 months old. I have a friend who dealt with infertility struggles for more than 2 years, and how she has two healthy kids. God is GOOD!!

    • MadisonMayberry

      Kristen, thank you for your comment and the reminder that God’s timing is perfect. I’m so thankful that you have a little one to celebrate and your friend’s story is so encouraging. You are right, God is good!

  • Mindy

    Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m grateful and blessed that I don’t have a similar story to share, but also happy to hear that other’s experiences are helping you heal. I pray you find answers and that your time to be parents is in the near future.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you, Mindy, for your comment. I so appreciate every single word of encouragement and pray that we find answers in the months to come!

  • Kat Stephens

    You are in my prayers. Sending healing energy. Kat

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you, Kat! I so appreciate it. This community has been such a blessing to both me and to Joe.

  • http://sarahinthewindycity.blogspot.com/ Sarah Bennett

    Madison, I am so sorry! Your blog has brightened my day on many, many occasions. I’m so sorry to hear that you miscarried. I will definitely be praying that you & your family may find some comfort. The strength you show is astounding and a testament to your faith.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Oh, Sarah, thank you so much for your sweet comment and words of encouragement. Your prayers are so appreciated by both me and Joe, as we’ve read the comments left by everyone together. Know that you lifted my spirits as I read this.

  • lauren tien

    i’ve never met you, madison, but know that I am praying for you and the plans He has for your family. thank you for being so brave to share.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Lauren, thank you so much for your note. I can just tell people have been praying for us because I feel so uplifted despite our sadness and loss. He does have a plan, of that I am sure. Even in times of sorrow, I know that He is faithful and is who He says he is.

  • Maya

    Madison, my heart breaks for your and Joe’s loss. Prayers for healing and strength to you both. My dearest friend had her first child with no difficutly. Then the miscarriages began to happen. After two subsequent miscarriages her uncaring doctor (20-30yrs ago) told her to tie her tubes and give up. She sought out another doctor who eventually found her problem was an auto immune issue. Her body was rejecting the pregnancy. The placenta was developing tiny clots within it and causing the miscarriages. She was able to conceive again twice with no difficulty and took a tiny dose of prednisone (steroid) and and a baby aspirin a day and had normal pregnancies. I pray you can find hope in this story and continue seeking answers and subsequently a full term pregnancy! Love and hugs!

    • MadisonMayberry

      What a crazy/wonderful story, Maya! It’s so uplifting to me to her people share stories where someone suffered from multiple miscarriages but went on to have healthy babies. I’m praying the same result for our family. Thanks for the encouragement and prayers.

  • http://londonbakes.blogspot.com Kathryn

    I’m so sorry for your loss Madison. My thoughts are with both of you right now.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you, Kathryn. I so appreciate your kind comment and thoughts. We have felt so loved and encouraged over the past week.

  • Cassandra Russom

    Oh honey… I’m so sorry. I’ve not had a miscarriage as far into the pregnancy as you have had, but I HAVE had two consecutive miscarriages. I then went on birth control and have been on it since with no further pregnancies. I’ve had diseases manifest in the intervening years (this was about 2 years ago) that now make it pretty much impossible for me to carry a child at all, I think, so in order to have the kiddos that we want someday it looks as though we will need to resort to surrogacy.

    I’m looking forward to your future posts on the topic of miscarriage. I’ve not thought or talked much about my own experiences, mostly just put them out of my mind. I think that since I lost my babies so early my loss doesn’t feel especially legitimate, you know? Perhaps your thoughts can help me with that.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Oh Cassandra, I’m sorry that you have had to deal with such heartache, too. I think that my tendency is to “minimalize” some of the pain that I’m feeling by saying, “It’s not like I lost a baby who was further along, or It’s not like I lost a child.” But I’ve found so much healing by admitting and acknowledging that I did lose two babies, and although they weren’t ours for very long, they were babies just the same and were loved deeply by me and Joe. Your babies were just the same, and I’m sure deeply loved and cared for in the short time they lived inside you. Praying for you and the future of your family as well.

  • Julie @ Running in a Skirt

    Madison, I literally gasp when I saw the title of your post. I am so sorry you are going through this. I’m praying for a speedy recovery for you and that those tests give you the answers you are looking for. I applaud your bravery in speaking so openly about this.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Julie, thank you so much for your comment. I, too, pray that we find some answers through our testing that will allow us to move forward with more confidence in future pregnancies. I’ll be sure to keep you all posted.

  • Meagan M

    I’m so sorry. I will be praying for you, may God pull you in close to him during this hurtful season.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you so so much, Meagan!

  • Emilie

    My heart breaks for you Madison, sending prayers.

    • MadisonMayberry

      Thank you, Emilie. I so appreciate all the prayers we can get right now.

  • http://www.rachelslookbook.com/ Rachel

    This post honestly brought me to tears. I am so sorry Madison. I remember commenting on your first miscarriage to hold tight and believe that God is with you, and everything happens for a reason. I hope you are able to recover fast and be comforted by your husband, friends and family. Take care and I will be praying for you. Also, thank you for sharing this. I cannot relate, as I am not married or looking to have a baby anytime soon, but I know a lot of people who have been through this, and I think it is brave to share it and so helpful for others who might be going through something similar.

  • Bridget Miller

    Praying. Praying. Praying…….
    for peace, for healing, for strength, for your relationship/love/security/safe place in Joe to be full and warm and comforting in this time…. praying and will continue to pray.

  • http://littlethingsbigstuff.com/ natalie

    Madison, I’m praying for you as you grieve these little lives and recover. though I have no first-hand experience, I have been blessed to hear the stories of so many women who have walked through multiple miscarriages and years of trying. thank for sharing so honestly and bringing miscarriage to light. you will certainly impact more women than you’ll ever know! God is crafting a beautiful story for your family and binding you + Joe together. I know it!

  • judith liebo

    I had two pregnancies, one of them a tubal pregnancy resulting in removing of an ovary and tube. Carrying a baby to full term was something I never got to experience. What I did get to experience was the joy of having three babies placed in my arms. I now am a grandmother of two delightful girls who light up my life. Not what I had planned but love where it ended. Sometimes you just have to hang on for the ride.

  • http://sparklesandlattes.blogspot.com/ Danielle Butler

    Madison, this really breaks my heart because it resonates so deeply with me. I haven’t had any miscarriages, but we are really struggling to even get pregnant. Like you and Joe, we have tried so many things just to get a positive test and nothing yet. I was just diagnosed with PCOS and I fear miscarriages and what our future holds. I am praying for you and Joe.

  • agodfashionedlife

    Madison, Just wanted to let you know that I’m praying for you.

    http://agodfashionedlife.com

  • Cassie

    Sending many prayers your way. Keep your chin up and know that everything happens for a reason and it is all part of His plan.

  • Katherine Kelly

    Oh Madison. My heart aches for you and with you. I will be praying for you and Joey as you journey through the feelings of grief, pain, realization, everything. I do not know first hand how this must feel, but do know that many of my sisters and sister in laws have experienced miracles after miscarriages in the forms of children. My prayer is that you will find deep, abundant peace (and Joe, too) in this time. I will be holding you close – much love to you, dear friend.

  • Brindi B

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband during this difficult time. My husband and I decided we would like to start trying for a baby this coming fall, and I’m very nervous about it. I appreciate you sharing your experiences, knowing it must be very hard for you. I just wanted to share with you that my pastor’s daughter went through your same situation. She had 3 miscarriages. She and her husband were blessed finally with a little girl. That little girl is now 4. Recently, they decided to try again for another child and she had another miscarriage. It’s not my story to share (and I don’t know any of the details), but I guess I just want you to know you are not alone, and that God has a plan and a time for everything. Thinking of you.

  • Karen S.

    It wasn’t until I had a miscarriage that I found out how many others I knew who went through it. Thank you so much for talking about it, even though I know how hard it really is to do that. The more people talk about it, the less people will suffer in silence.

    My healing came through being able to talk about it. Even though it happened nearly 2 years ago, I still think about that baby everyday. Although, now I am not so sad about it. Sure, even now, I have some sad moments. The milestone days are the hardest for sure.

    Prayers for you and your family…

  • Leah

    Madison, I have not stopped thinking about you since I read your post on my lunch break. My heart aches for you and your husband, but just know that everything happens for a reason. It will all work out for you girl. XO

  • Lindsey

    I’m so sorry to hear this Madison! I’m praying for healing and encouragement for you. While I’ve never had a miscarriage, I’m coming up on a year and a half of trying to get pregnant. What I’ve learned through this journey is that satan wants us to feel isolated and alone and that is not truth. Once I started sharing about my infertility it was like a weight was lifted and I was able to be free. This has given me strength. Our lives are meant to reflect Christ and while we would rather not go through difficulties that is not what is best. He has a plan for each one of us and our stories and families will all look different!
    Thank you for sharing your story. You have no idea how many people you are ministering to!

  • Melissa

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, but appreciate your honesty about the topic. You are an inspiration

  • Sarah Vetter

    Madison, I’m so sorry. I’ll be praying for both of you.

  • Heather Disarro

    You have my every thought and prayer sweetheart. And you have my email – don’t be afraid to use it. So much love – Heather

  • Ali Grace Eiland

    Thank you so much for being willing to share the hard stuff in your life. It is so encouraging to me to see young Christian women being REAL on their blogs instead of simply posting snapshots of a “perfect” life. Praying for your comfort!

  • Jessica

    Sending prayers your way! Remember that God will never give us more than we can handle and you are not alone ;)

  • Nikki

    I am definitely praying for you. May God give you healing and peace!

  • Joanna

    Madison,

    I am also a fellow ISU AGD but graduated looooonnnng before you did (’00) :). I just wanted to let you know that I had 5 miscarriages over 3 years while trying to start our family. My first I went ahead with a D&C. I lost them all around 8-10 weeks. We went through a battery of tests as well including clotting diseases, lupus, thyroid, uterine scoping, multiple invasive ultrasounds (SIS), and genetic testing. We went to the Univ of Iowa as well as a private fertility clinic in Des Moines. We did fertility meds and progesterone, etc. We never found an answer to what our issue was. One doctor told me that just the fact we were getting pregnant was positive (as many people can’t even get that far) and that more than likely we would have more loses than wins. I had just about given up hope and decided to stop taking our fertility meds and that next month we were finally successful. We welcomed a healthy baby girl this past November. I know miscarriages are painful and actually they were harder on my husband than they were on me. But the fact you are even conceiving is positive and you may have more loses than wins. I know it’s easier said than done….but I think the one thing that helped me was just relaxing about it all. Don’t give up hope! If you want to read about it check out my blog at http://www.theheinlights.blogspot.com. I’ll keep you in my prayers! It will happen for you!

  • Angelia

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have had two miscarriages myself, my first pregnancy and my last pregnancy. It is heartbreaking and my thoughts and prayers are with you both and I thank you for sharing your experience.

  • Melissa

    Madison,
    When I don’t have words to express I can only pass on His word and pray this draws you and Joe closer to God and each other. “Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6
    May you trust Him and cling to his promises in the middle of circumstances beyond our understanding.

  • Shannon Benson

    I am so so so sorry. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you and Joe. Things will work out – you will have your family soon. Thinking of you during this very hard and difficult time.

  • jana

    I am so sorry, Madison. Thank you for sharing your story, though–you are right that miscarriage should be more openly discussed (when desired).

  • Kayleigh

    Praying for both of you guys.

  • Stephanie

    Madison, I am so sorry to hear this. I’ll be praying for you and your husband. When I was going through a difficult time in my life, I was driving in my car and He Said came on the radio by Group 1 Crew:

    I won’t give you more, more than you can take
    And I might let you bend, but I won’t let you break
    And No, I’ll never ever let you go”
    Don’t you forget what He said

    I hope that helps bring you comfort in some way.

  • Meg

    I struggled with infertility and know the pain that comes from wanting something that so many women don’t struggle to do. Ultimately, I was fortunate in that when I got pregnant, it stuck. However, my mom suffered from three miscarriages before getting pregnant with my sister, and between that knowledge and my own battle with conceiving, I never trusted my pregnancy until I was well into my second trimester. I am so sorry you have to experience the heartbreak of miscarriage and I applaud you for using your pain to help others. Way to make a silver lining.

  • Stephie (eat your heart out)

    I wish I even knew what to say – I’m so sorry doesn’t even seem to cut it here. I’ll keep you in my prayers that you can get some much-needed answers and some desperately desired peace. xoxo

  • Irene

    I am so sorry for your loss, Madison. I have never had a miscarriage but have wondered a lot about how things will fall into place for me to have kids some day (hopefully sooner rather than later). I have thought often of an interview I heard about with an actress who suffered from miscarriage after miscarriage and multiple rounds of IVF before finally adopting her daughter. In the interview, this woman said that she wouldn’t have traded any of the years of sadness and trying for anything because it all brought her to the place where she became the mother of the little girl who was meant to be her daughter. I hope your road isn’t as difficult as what she described but I hope you will be at peace knowing that the children you are meant to have are still ahead of you!

  • Kelly

    I am so sorry for your loss Madison and wish I could give you a hug (sending you virtual ones from Australia!). My husband and I suffered our own battle with infertility. We were unable to fall pregnant naturally, found out I have endometriosis, went through a few operations, about 3 years of IVF and never fell pregnant with even one positive result. We finally found out that I have chromosome issue with my eggs and our only alternative was an egg donor. We were lucky enough to find a gorgeous lady who donated twice (after the first round resulted in no successful pregnancies from 3 embryos). The second cycle resulted in two embryos and, after one negative result and six years from when we first started trying to conceive, we got a positive result on our very last embryo. After so much heartbreak I was excited and nervous for the whole 40 weeks, but we finally have our little boy who is now 16 months and brings us so much joy! He will probably be our only child but we feel like the luckiest people in the world to even have him. Your comment that we don’t get to write our own story really resonated with me. It is true and my story isn’t any worse than yours, it is just different. Even after all that happened to us, I can’t imagine how you must feel after all you have gone through. The feelings are still so strong to me that reading your story still brings tears to my eyes – for you and for me. Take care of yourselves and each other and your wonderful story will write itself.

  • http://realhomeliving.blogspot.com/ Laura Britton

    Madison, this is so, so hard. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I really admire you sharing this personal story, because I know so many other women out there have gone through this and are going through it right now. You are starting a conversation that won’t necessarily take away the pain, but will help you and other women as you talk about it. This miscarriage was a terrible thing, but God is still good. You are amazing to be so positive through it all. Praying for you and Joe as you journey through this rough time. <3

  • RA

    Madison, I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Please continue to allow Joe and yourself the time you both need to heal. I experienced two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy requiring emergency surgery before I had a successful full-term pregnancy. It sounds like you are receiving very good medical care and your doctors will continue to help and support you on this journey. I also received wonderful medical care and my doctors were encouraging and supportive telling me to continue trying since I was able to get pregnant, there was hope. I went on to have three kids: a son followed by twins (no fancy medicine and a big surprise to have twins naturally since the first part of our fertility journey wasn’t easy).
    I remember very well how challenging it could be to keep trying and moving forward to have our family – my heart, prayers and support go out to you and Joe. Please remember how loved and supported you are and continue to share your story. Many of us go through these experiences and by talking about it, we can help others and ourselves. Take care.

  • Kara Knaack

    Praying for peace and understanding. No amount of consoling words take away the pain of two heaven babies.