Infertility and Miscarriage, Pregnancy

Today I’m Thankful

July 18, 2014

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This week we went for a follow-up appointment at my OBGYN office for, you guessed it, yet another ultrasound. I’m thankful for so many opportunities to see our little one, but I’ll admit that the ultrasounds make me nervous and jittery and filled with all kinds of anxiety leading up to the appointment.

We were blessed, and maybe still a little surprised, to see another image of a healthy little baby, who is starting to look more and more like a baby every week. The ultrasound tech, who we’ve come to love, pointed out the head and showed us the spinal cord and the little flickering heartbeat. We even saw our baby move for just a second. Crazy! The little jellybean was measuring right on track, once again, with a heartbeat that had gotten quite a bit faster from our last appointment.

So now we’re entering into uncharted territory, and I find it a little scary. Entering into our 8th week soon will be the longest we’ve ever made it with a pregnancy (though we didn’t find that out last time until the 12th week). Most of the time I feel a lot of peace, much more peace than I’ve felt with either of our two previous pregnancies, which I find strange and wonderful. But sometimes I find my mind grasping onto old memories, feeling fearful of what we’ve experienced in the past, sometimes convinced that we’ll experience that same fate yet again.

I’ve been praying a lot lately, for other women who are on a difficult fertility journey, for our little baby’s heart and that it would continue beating, that our little one would love the Lord and would be a living example of the miracles that God does in our lives. I’ve found so many opportunities in the last few weeks to talk about my faith in a very real way, something that I will admit I was never all that great at in the past.

This week my doctor sat down with me after our ultrasound, all our various scans printed out on a sheet of paper, and said that she was unable to explain how what we saw at 5 weeks turned into what we saw at 7 weeks. You could tell that science was failing her in explaining what had happened, and she seemed very cautious about this pregnancy. And believe me, I get it and I understand her questions. If I didn’t have faith myself, I’m not sure how I would explain it, either. But instead of feeling cautious and fearful, I’m diving headfirst into the scary waters of the next four weeks. Sometimes those four weeks feel like a mountain! Sometimes I wonder how I’m going to get through the next four weeks, with all the uncertainty and questions and our scary past. But when I think about our God, who cares for us and looks over us, knowing exactly what we need, I find a little more peace. One day at a time, Joe and I are stepping out in faith, trusting to walk down a road not knowing where it leads.

Our doctor offered to do another ultrasound next week, the day before we leave on vacation. I decided to pass, not wanting to risk ruining our vacation in any way with bad news, so we are going to have our next ultrasound two weeks from today, on August 1st. We’ll be about 9 1/2 weeks at that appointment. I can hardly believe it!

With two ultrasounds that have been positive under our belt, it might seem like we’re doing good and it’s smooth sailing going forward. But may I continue to ask for your prayers? If anything, I feel like the next four weeks are going to be the biggest hurdle of all, and the hardest path to walk down. Your continued prayers for the sustained life of our very loved baby would be greatly appreciated.


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  • Reply Vicky July 18, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your very real, personal journey with us. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I felt so intensely private and fearful. I hope if I am blessed with a second that I will enjoy the journey more. I guess it’s a long winded way to say that while I know it’s scary-I hope you are able to take some moments everyday to enjoy and relish being pregnant. I am so happy for you & will continue to pray for your little family <3

  • Reply Emma July 18, 2014 at 3:29 pm

    I’m so thrilled that everything is going well for you guys, Madison – it’s amazing. I’m not one for prayer but I’m sending you and your little one all my good feelings and thoughts xx

  • Reply Jessica Lane July 18, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    I may not know you but you and your family are always in my prayers.

  • Reply Rebecca July 18, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    Thanks for sharing your heart, Madison! I’m praying that, like Peter walking on the water towards Jesus, that you’d keep your eyes on Him and not on the waves. He will sustain you and keep you from sinking!

  • Reply Sarah Crosby July 18, 2014 at 7:50 pm

    I have chill bumps every time I read your posts on this pregnancy. God is so good. Your faith is great, sister – you will be blessed for it. Cant wait until the day when we see a picture of this precious babe’s face.

  • Reply jamie July 18, 2014 at 11:00 pm

    I think the fact that most of the time you are feeling peace this time around, much more than with the other two, is a strong, strong sign that this baby will be full term. I believe that with all my heart.

  • Reply Urban Wife July 19, 2014 at 12:05 am

    Praise God! So thankful for a healthy baby! Always in my prayers… xo

  • Reply Elisabeth Perez July 19, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    Thank you for sharing your journey! I’m happy things are going well so far. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your little bean. <3

  • Reply Erin July 19, 2014 at 9:49 pm

    Oh Madison, I’m so happy for this turn of events! I’ve been following your journey over the past several months, and I’m so glad to read that your path is changing directions. I wish you so many blessings over the next weeks and months!

  • Reply Julie @ Running in a Skirt July 21, 2014 at 11:19 am

    What beautiful news Madison! Your faith is inspiring. Sending many more prayers your way!

  • Reply Debbie Keady July 21, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    praying for you and your little sweet jumping bean growing inside of you Madison!

  • Reply Rachel July 21, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    I’m continuing to pray for you!!!!! I’m so glad you are feeling more at peace than you have before.

  • Reply Laura @ Real Home Living July 21, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    I’m so glad you have already made it this far in your pregnancy. It’s got to be a good but weird feeling. I’m continuing to pray that God will continue to grow that baby healthy and strong!

  • Reply Bridget Black July 22, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    We will continue praying for you three and the future! Our God is an awesome God. šŸ™‚

  • Reply Meg July 26, 2014 at 5:16 am

    I am amazed at your courage and faith to talk openly on what is going on. I wish you and your husband the best of luck ad health. I wanted to share a story with you, #lovewalkforscotland, it was an amazing idea from parents who lost a son at 20 weeks pregnant. You are not alone and people at pulling for you.

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