Family

Marriage Matters

October 21, 2015

HofmeyerFamily_1

 

We had family photos taken a week ago by a dear friend of mine who is raising money for their family’s adoption. Family photos are my favorite, at least once they are over and done with! Once I have the photos in my hands I’m so thankful we captured this moment in time, when our daughter is tiny and our family is healthy and our lives feel so full. What a sweet season this is for us, after a season that felt as dry as a desert.

As women we spend a lot of time talking and talking about motherhood, don’t we? Blogs and articles and books are dedicated to the subject, and with good reason. Being a mom is important work! But where is the love and attention for our marriages?

I used to be very smug when people told me marriage was hard. Even as a newly married person, I still couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Marriage? Hard? Hardly! If you’re in that camp, I don’t hold it against you. If you haven’t yet hit that point where marriage is truly, deeply hard, it will come eventually. I can guarantee it.

We had one of those years. The years that test and stretch and strengthen you as long as they don’t kill you. And trust me when I say that sometimes you think it may actually kill you before you see the other side. I look at that photo above and my amazing, wonderful and loving husband and I thank my lucky stars for him every day. I think about our first kiss at 17 and the memories we’ve collected together. He’s my person, yet sometimes I don’t give him nearly the time or attention he deserves.

There are days when I give my best to my baby, my work, my friends and a bunch of people on the fringes of my life, leaving very little time or energy for my husband. I’ve been working on it, little by little. Investing into my marriage the way I invest in my child. Can you relate?

Despite all the parenting books I have read, I don’t think I’ve read a single one on marriage. In the past I’ve naively assumed that marriage is just supposed to happen intuitively without time or investment of resources.

I want to continue to strive after my marriage, to give my husband the best I have to offer. I want to take time to get away just the two of us, for date nights and vacations sans-baby and dates at home after Ainsley is in bed. To put down my phone and quit scrolling through Instagram when we’re together and really look him in the eyes.

It’s worth it. I’m convinced there are very few things more worthy of our time and attention.

Madison

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8 Comments

  • Reply XO Kerry October 21, 2015 at 5:07 pm

    Cute family picture and great post! I agree. Putting time into a marriage is worth the effort! Especially after baby. Luke and I have our first overnight trip (away from Parker) planned for later in November. I’m scared but I know we need it!

  • Reply Bridget Bockmiller October 21, 2015 at 6:44 pm

    Such a great reminder of the importance of caring for our marriages! Not easy but so important!

  • Reply ali grace | cookies and grace October 21, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    I couldn’t agree more. A wise person once told me that the best thing a parent can do for their child is to love their spouse well. Marriage does matter — a lot!

  • Reply Megan October 22, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    It’s absolutely worth it. It is SO HARD when you have small children. Our daughter is 2 and I am pregnant with our second baby. Focusing on each other and our marriage is kind of on the back burner right now. Taking care of the “kids” (even though one is still in utero) consumes all our time. But I know I need to make an effort to have time for just my husband and me. Some day the kids will be older and out of the house a lot, and it will just be me and my husband again. It’s important to remember that

  • Reply Mary October 22, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    I always remember my mother saying that she and my dad promised each other that they would place their relationship first, and they would do so in order to model a loving and attentive marriage for their three children. I do not think this was always easy, especially when we were young, but they worked to make it happen. They had “dates” (at home) after we had gone to bed. They did not watch a lot of TV (there weren’t as many other electronic devices back then beyond that!) so as to make sure the time they spent together was not filled with distraction. They were kind and communicative with each other, even when things were hectic. This definitely made the impression they wanted. I never as a child remember feeling that my parents CHOSE each other over us, but I do remember observing that they were happy and affectionate and obviously very much in love. Explaining to their kids that they came first impressed us with the importance of a life partnership, and we understood that we one day grow up and leave and have our own families, and they still wanted to be strong and happy in their union when it was “just” the two of them. Well, fifty years of marriage and they are still happy and loving each other and very much enjoying retirement and unlimited time together! So this long message is to say, good for you. Ainsley will benefit from two loving parents who she sees as a couple who were together before she arrived and will be together after she grows up. And she will most assuredly choose her own life mate wisely and be happy and loved in her adult life because of the strong and positive example you provide.

  • Reply Megan October 23, 2015 at 11:09 pm

    The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman has been the best one we have read together! Perfect for a married couple!

  • Reply Stephanie @ Girl Versus Dough October 25, 2015 at 2:05 am

    Have you read Babyproofing Your Marriage? It’s a horrible name for a book and some of the writing is cheesy, but the overall message is totally on point. I can honestly say it transformed my and my husband’s marriage since having a child.

  • Reply Erin October 26, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    Have you read The Meaning of Marriage (Tim Keller)? Not 100% specific to the kids issue, but it’s so wise and grounding. Highly recommend!

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