Family, Infertility and Miscarriage

miscarriage, fertility and the value of life

August 30, 2016

MadisonBW

This post has been mulling around in my head for weeks. I feel as if the writing on this blog has been full of fluff and low on substance, lacking the meaty content that comes in waves depending on the season of life I’m in. Truth be told, seasons of shallow writing usually mean one of two things for me: things are going really, really well or things are going very poorly. Though this time, it’s a little bit of both.

Life is sweet right now. Ainsley is growing and changing rapidly and becoming so FUN to be around. She has a spunky little personality that keeps us laughing and smiling on repeat. And work is fulfilling for Joe. And I’m loving my new flexible work schedule that allows me to spend more time at home while still doing things that inspire me.

Life is sad right now. Because we miscarried for a third time last month, our second month trying for a second child. Because I hoped that this time around things would be different, easier and that I wouldn’t have to dig up all those old emotions and fears that I packed up and put on a shelf after Ainsley was born.

I didn’t share sooner because, as anyone who has walked a road of infertility and miscarriage can tell you that when you share about your fertility struggles the worst thing that someone can do is look at you with that look. The look, full of pity, that says, “I’m sorry you don’t have what I have.”

But I love you all. Some of you I know personally, others I know via e-mail and social media. Your prayers lifted us countless times over the years and I’ve been humbled by the kindness of strangers more times that I can count. In the year and a half since Ainsley’s birth I can’t tell you the number of strangers I’ve met who have told me that they’ve prayed for my daughter. It floors me every single time.

So, because you share in our joy, I’m sharing with you our sadness, too. Because I know that this blog is made up of readers who are my tribe of women. Women who have walked the difficult, weary road that only the fertility-challenged can understand. Women who have cared about our fertility struggles even if they haven’t experienced them personally.

To my fellow mommas and mommas-to-be who are trying to grow you family:

You are the bravest group of women I know. Every time you smile in the face of adversity or deliver a baby meal for a friend’s new baby or take a shot or pill or five thousand crazy vitamins and supplements, you’re brave. And when you choose JOY for others instead of bitterness, jealousy or envy, you’re doing kingdom work that is glorifying God.

I don’t know if our journey to our next (God willing) baby will be long or short, but I do know that I’ll need your support, and my desire is to provide support and encouragement for those walking this road with me. Longing for another baby while being deeply thankful for the amazing gift of the child that we do have.

Thank you for making this space such a supportive and safe space for me to share about our family. I’m so thankful for each and every one of you who read the words that I write.

Madison

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18 Comments

  • Reply Amanda August 30, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    Ughhhhhhhhhh Madison I am so sorry you’re walking through the fire again. I’m sure that, while it’s beautiful that you have sweet Ainsley, that it doesn’t make it any easier.

    My husband and I are struggling with getting pregnant and it is so much harder than I could’ve ever imagined—but your posts are bookmarked and they have helped my heart SO much. Especially when someone says something like “It’ll happen!” or “Just relax!” or “All in God’s timing!” (which, for the record, I know is true but reeaaalllly don’t need to hear it). Also, loved the podcast you shared a few weeks ago.

    Praying for your sweet family, and trying to absorb some of the pain for you (as I know lots of other women here are as well!) Thank you for your bravery in sharing–it helps more of us than you know. xoxox

  • Reply Lauren August 30, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I miscarried this month after our first embryo transfer (after 3.5 years of trying). My first pregnancy was also my first loss and of course I’ve gotten “at least you know you can get pregnant” more times then I can handle. I totally understand the look, tone of voice, and all around discomfort that comes when speaking to someone about infertility/miscarriage when they have not experienced it themselves. I wish you peace, luck, and sanity during this time.

  • Reply Erin August 30, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    Madison, I’m SO sorry to hear this – that totally sucks and I can’t imagine. Thank you for opening up and I’m excited to hear how things go and be praying alongside you.

  • Reply Kelsey LaValle August 30, 2016 at 8:34 pm

    I am so sorry. Prayers for you during this journey.

  • Reply Bridget Black August 30, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    Madison, I’m praying for you and Joe!!

  • Reply Lindsay August 30, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    I am so, so sorry to read this, Madison. While I have not dealt with miscarriage personally, I know from my sister’s experience having three miscarriages how hard it is both mentally and physically. And while my fertility issues were not severe, it was a longer than average road for us to become parents and just like you, I am thankful everyday for what we have now, and what is to come…sending you big hugs and lots of positive thoughts.

  • Reply Angela A. August 30, 2016 at 9:04 pm

    Thanks for sharing your very real struggles. We are here to listen. Just because you are blessed in so many other ways doesn’t mean your struggles don’t matter or that they are inferior to say “world hunger” and “peace”. You have a right to feel sad, a right to feel happy. You are human. Regardless of the outcome, praying for a continued ray of light in your life.

  • Reply Dandi D August 31, 2016 at 2:45 am

    Everyone deals with this sort of thing differently, and for me, I find a little comfort in knowing that other people are facing the same kind of trials. When we were trying for our second child, I miscarried twice, and then we went through 2 1/2 years of infertility before having our little baby #2. Now, we are ready for #3, and I just miscarried again. We are trusting the Lord’s timing, and know that it is perfect, but it’s still hard to go through.

  • Reply Lizzy A. August 31, 2016 at 10:27 am

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your sweet family.

  • Reply Kelsey De Jong August 31, 2016 at 1:14 pm

    Thank you for sharing with such honesty. We are praying for you and that your journey to #2 is faster and smoother this time. We love you guys!

  • Reply sarahhope56 August 31, 2016 at 1:41 pm

    Thank you for your word today… we’ve been trying for our 2nd kid for long time, and the whole process is excruciating. I needed to read this today. Thank you for being brave and encouraging and vulnerable.

  • Reply Jess August 31, 2016 at 3:31 pm

    Praying for you and family. You are brave and strong, mama. And I believe with all my heart that God will make beauty from your brokenness.

  • Reply Lauren at Keep It Sweet August 31, 2016 at 5:19 pm

    I’m so sorry that you are going through this again. It seems like it should be your turn for an “easy” process. Thinking of you and your family!

  • Reply Mackensey Stang August 31, 2016 at 7:25 pm

    Prayers to you mama. You are such an awesome individual, and I hope you get the blessing you are wishing for. I have never been in your shoes, but I can only imagine how it must feel, and I hope in the end you get everything you pray and dream of!

  • Reply Urban Wife August 31, 2016 at 7:38 pm

    Oh, friend. I am so sorry to hear about the losses you’ve had. My heart breaks. All I can do is join thousands of others in praying for you. Hugs.

  • Reply Magali August 31, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    I can’t find the words to tell you how sad I am for you even though we don’t know each other (I’m following you on instagram). I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through. I hope your prayers will be heard and I wish you the happiest life with your familly, however it’s a familly of 3 or more

  • Reply Astleigh H. August 31, 2016 at 11:39 pm

    Oh friend, I’m so sorry to hear this. I think you’re so courageous for sharing. Because you don’t have to walk this alone. I’ll be praying for you and your sweet family. xo

  • Reply Joanna September 6, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    I’m so sorry you and Joe are facing another loss. The only thing I can offer is the knowledge that He knows. He knows your babies, He knows your pain, He knows your grief. I’ll pray you feel and know His love in this moment.

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