Who: Justine
What: Writer and Social Media Pro
Where: NYC
Blog: Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One

Hi, E&C-ers! My name is Justine, and I blog about life, love, and awkwardness over at Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One. (Some of you may remember me from my No Fat Talk post back in February.) I’m so thrilled to be contributing to Madison’s “What 5 Things Make You Feel Beautiful?” segment—isn’t it just like her to come up with something so upbuilding and fun?

1. Getting gussied up.
I’m pretty capable in the ways of getting dressed up and doing my own hair and makeup, but I absolutely love having someone else take care of these things for me. Nothing makes me feel fancier than getting my nails, hair, or makeup done, and I’m a pretty big fan of feeling fancy.

2. Physician’s Formula Eye Booster 2-in-1 Lash Boosting Eyeliner + Serum in Ultra Black
When you have eyes that rival most cartoon deer’s, you tend to gravitate toward products that help you play up that feature. This particular eyeliner claims to offer “longer, fuller, more enhanced” lashes. I don’t know if that’s actually true, but I do know that it comes in a user-friendly pen format that makes creating the perfect cat eye a breeze. Sold.

3. An exhausting workout
It might seem counterintuitive, but I never feel prettier than after I’ve completed a grueling long run or a killer lifting session at the gym and am covered head-to-toe in hard-earned sweat. It makes me appreciate everything about my body and how strong it is. (Plus, it doesn’t hurt when I notice I’m lifting heavier weights than some of the boys!)

4. Conair Double Ceramic 1 ¼” Curling Iron
Even when I’m doing my own hair, I always feel my prettiest with big, soft waves. (I can’t help it; it’s my inner southern girl creeping out.)  Nature wanted me to have pin straight hair, but a big curling iron helps me get the perfect shape, and this particular model has a ceramic barrel is less damaging to my hair. I’m so obsessed, I even posted a tutorial on my blog about how I do it. Like I said. Obsessed.

My husband
I don’t think a single day goes by without my husband telling me how beautiful he thinks I am. His admiration (for my inner andouter beauty) was such a crucial part in my overcoming so many of my own insecurities, and he’s a constant reminder to me of the things I should love about myself.  A perfect example? One night, we were cuddling on the couch watching a movie and he started running his hand over my stomach. I groaned and told him to “stop playing with my fat,” and he replied, “That’s not what I was doing…your skin is just so soft…” How could you not love that?

Thanks, Justine, for sharing your 5 things! If you’re interested in sharing your 5 things for No Fat Talk Tuesday, shoot me an e-mail (madisonjanemayberry@gmail.com) for more information! 

-Madison

Today’s No Fat Talk Tuesday post comes to us from Melissa. Melissa is a fellow ISU grad and I feel like I’ve gotten to know her through the e-mails we have exchanged over the last handful of months. Melissa’s story is incredibly touching and personal and I’m so happy to have her share with everyone today. Thank you, Melissa! – Madison

I’ve wanted to share my story for a long time, yet part of me holds back. How do I put into words what’s been such a huge part of my life? Do I really want everyone to see my imperfections?  I also wanted to wait until I had overcome and perfected my struggles.  But I’m learning that life is an ever changing process, not a state of perfection to be reached.  There will be days when I love my body, but there will also be days when I’m not as kind with myself as I should be.  Sometimes I feel like I have so far yet to go, but when I stop and look back I see how far I’ve really come.  No Fat Talk Tuesday is the perfect opportunity to find encouragement regardless of where you’re at in the process.

I can’t pinpoint when everything started, it was a slow gradual change.  In college I decided to start eating healthier and exercising regularly.  I had more energy and felt great so I continued, thinking more meant better. Each day I would eat a little less and exercise a little more.  The numbers on the scale continued to drop but so did my energy and concentration.  I still wasn’t happy with my body and told myself I just needed to lose a few more pounds and then I would stop.  This continued for quite some time until I was finally ready to admit I’d gone too far.  I promised myself I would make changes, try harder and stop mistreating my body.  I wanted to stop and I knew exactly what the problem was, but by that time the habits had formed and I was no longer in control.

Being a food science major also going for a minor in nutrition I had just enough knowledge to be dangerous.  I knew exactly what I needed to do as far as food and exercise were concerned, but knowing and doing are two different things.  Since I already knew the answers I didn’t want help and told myself I just needed to try a little harder.

I didn’t believe the people who told me I could die. I remember telling them, “Don’t worry, I feel fine.  I’m not going to die!”  Looking back, I realize what a miracle it is that I’m still alive.  Eventually I realized how exhausted I was.  I was tired of having no energy, tired of constantly thinking about food and overanalyzing everything I ate, tired of trying each day and failing, tired of hating myself.

To make a long story short I agreed to withdraw from classes and go to a treatment program at a hospital.  Thankfully, it wasn’t half as scary as I had imagined it to be.  It was almost like going to school to learn how to take care of myself.   I learned so much about life and myself during that time.  Don’t get me wrong, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through.  Looking back I realize I’ve finally reached a point where I’m thankful for my experience and all it has taught me.

Happiness is not tied to the size or shape of your body.  Confidence does not come from a number on a scale (or whatever else you may struggle with: achievements, approval of others, money, status, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc).  My weight has been all over the charts yet I was never satisfied with any number.  I’m learning that only God can satisfy my deepest desires and calm my fears and insecurities.  True beauty starts deep within from a peace only God can provide.  Only He can truly fill the emptiness inside each of us.

Life is a gift to be enjoyed, not wasted obsessing over a body that won’t last.  No Fat Talk Tuesday is a reminder to stop the fat talk and enjoy what really matters in life.  Instead of working towards unrealistic ideals that will leave me empty, I can choose to embrace my unique characteristics and use my gifts and abilities to enjoy life.

Some days I wonder if I’ll ever really like my body.  Then I remember I’ve already wasted too much time waiting for the “liking” and missing out on the “doing”.  Confidence and self-esteem will not come at a certain size or number but rather from jumping into the adventure of life.  Take a risk, be curious, look for excitement, practice the art of being content and count your blessings are daily reminders I need to hear.  While I don’t have this all down yet, I’m learning to find a healthy balance one mistake at a time.  We were created for so much more than obsessing over appearance or striving for perfection.   Discovering what really matters in life makes all the difference.  It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

If you’re interested in sharing your No Fat Talk Tuesday story, I would love to hear from you! Send me an e-mail (madisonjanemayberry@gmail.com) for more information!

After sharing my body confidence story last week, I got a lot of e-mails and questions asking about resources to aid in building body confidence. I thought that for today’s No Fat Talk Tuesday, I would put together a list of some of my favorite sites and books, both old and new, that are doing great work in supporting women and promoting self confidence in the right way. Leave a comment below if you have any other suggestions for people to check out!

Darling Magazine | darlingmagazine.org
Living Proof Ministries | Website
So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore | Find it on Amazon Here
Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth | Find it on Amazon Here
Operation Beautiful | Website
Oh She Glows – Journey To Health Series | Website 
Wonderfully Made | Website

Today’s “No Fat Talk” post is a first and comes to us from a male reader! I’m excited to share with you a different perspective and face to fat talk today. I’m not sure how many guys read Espresso and Cream, but I think that both men and women can learn a lot by reading Tyler’s story. It really made me realize that although I tend to think guys are immune to talking negatively about their bodies, that’s simply not true. Thanks for sharing, Tyler! -Madison

Hello to you all, my  name is Typer Pieper. I’m a single 20-something Nurse’s Aid currently residing in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I love leading a simple life, though it is not a life that is lacking adventure! I love to do crossword puzzles, love the smell of fresh linen, I love to decorate and I love spending my quiet time with the Lord. Above most anything, I simply love to love. I rarely “like” anything because I’m an all-in or an all-our kind of guy. I find empowerment and fulfillment in helping other people though life’s many trials, both expected and blind-siding. I believe there is beauty in living life below your means, and a way to do it without giving up or suppressing your dreams of, “the good life,” because to me that means any day that I am willed to take another breath. I often catch myself saying that I’ve been saved by the grace of God * my Northwest-Iowan charm (being that I’m a proud born and raised Iowa boy). There was a time when my faith wasn’t so strong, and so begins my No Fat Talk story.

Many people believe that men don’t go through the same issues with weight and appearance as women do. Bogus. As a child I never really worried about what or how much of anything I put into my body…mostly because being a child you’re not in control of the situation, but that’s just it. As an adult, you have complete control (with the help of the Big guy upstairs) over your health and wellness. I was that kid who had abs just because he was so skinny, but that quickly changed. Like many others, it all started in middle-school when you begin to notice her and she began to notice you. It’s human nature to want to look good, feel good and be desirable. I gained a lot of weight in those years and as a result of an overwhelming depression and sadness. I reached my highest peak my junior year of high-school at 285 pounds. The thing I’ve heard most often when I would share my story is, “Well, you’re 6’5″…you carry your weight well. You can hide it.” Though there isn’t a complete absence of truth in the statement, everyone’s body is constructed differently. I know now that it’s all part of a grander design on God’s part in making each and every one of us unique.

When I had finally had enough of feeling down about myself, I sought refuge in the world of television, internet and anything that had to do with celebrities and looking great. The wrong place to look. I was obsessed with the celebrity culture! It became too much at times, but I kept on keeping on because whatever I was doing was working. By the time I left for college, I was wrapped up in a lifestyle that truthfully brainwashed me and made me a person that I didn’t like… or love. I must admit that something that impressed me was that I kept a mild level-head on my sinful journey. I’d like to think that was God with me the entire time. I was skinny, I had flawless skin, and along with that a soul so empty that I couldn’t satisfy even the most vagrant of people. It was all about appearance. If you looked good, people liked you.

I was burned time and time again by the people I surrounded myself with, and I started to realize that I had no clue who Tyler was anymore. Heck, I didn’t even know who I was trying to be. It was such a superficial world that I was living in. When the tragedy that is love & heartbreak struck my life, I decided that I needed to make a change. Being the “all in or all out” kind of guy that I am, I made a big one. Instead of being a whopping seven hours away from those who were loving me unconditionally for who they knew the good Lord made me to be; God literally picked my skinny, fake-baked butt up and placed me where I find myself today.

Though my story may come off as more of a “life struggles” piece, it’s as real as the next person’s. Moving back to the area truly allowed me to connect with myself, or should I say reconnect… but more importantly allowed me to reconnect with God. I had ignored him for long enough, and he has continued to bless me beyond my wildest imagination. He’s put friends in my life that have remained true for the months that I’ve lived here, and that is what keeps me going on this journey of both physical and spiritual health. I’ve developed a new hobby of cooking with my good friend Claire. We’ve had some bogus creations, but most notably brad about our Asian Quinoa Salad… to die for.

It’s just about living a healthy lifestyle all around. Lifestyle is defined as: the way in which a person or group lives. Spiritual and physical health are ways of life, and I’ve found success in merging the two. God has given me the strength to stray away from the stereotypical ideals of a superficial society and allowed me to be the best me that I can be. I’m fulfilling my purpose day by day. No I’m not the most in-shape guy on earth, and no I don’t have it all together, but one thing I know for sure is that this man right here is as close to God as he’s ever been… and happy with the body he gave me.

If you’re interested in sharing your “No Fat Talk” story with E&C readers, e-mail me (madisonjanemayberry@gmail.com) for more information! I would love to talk with you further. -Madison

I don’t know about you, but now that we’re nearing the halfway point of the year I’ve been feeling the need to re-commit myself to my “No Fat Talk” pledge for 2012. Over the past couple months, I’ve found myself mumbling unkind words about my body or myself under my breath. Or letting a “Do my thighs look huge in this?” to Joe here and there. It may not seem like a big deal, but I want to stop these little words and thoughts in their track, to re-gain the ground that may be slipping ever so slightly while I become less diligent.

A couple months ago, I started reading a book that has been slowly transforming the way I think about my body, self image, and all that goes with it. I took a long hard look at my “fat talk” and realized that at the core of those words was a deep insecurity about myself that was allowing those thoughts to thrive. I had heard great things about Beth Moore’s So Long Insecurity and had done several of her Bible studies in the past. I’m about half way through the book, and I can’t say enough great things about the words of encouragement and wisdom shared by Beth. If you’re looking for an extra dose of encouragement, I would strongly suggest picking this book up. I’ve been keeping track of the pearls of wisdom I read, and I wanted to share a few of them as an encouragement to you today.

-Madison

Dynamic creatures that we are, we are ever changing and ever spiraling up – or down. Please don’t misunderstand. God forbid that we live life in a vicious cycle of gaining ground and losing it. I’ve learned some lessons in the last decades, and I hope to heaven I don’t ever have to relearn them. However, I’ve never arrived at a place where injury or uncertainty no longer issues an invitation to some pretty serious self-doubt even when I make the tough decision not to bite the bait. I still get thrown for a loop more easily that I would like and find myself in a temporary but painful setback of insecurity – one that affects me too chronically to deny that something is broken somewhere. I tend to respond with a classic case of devastation. “I know better than this,” I chide. “I can’t believe I’ve fallen for this again. My head knows good and well that this doesn’t define me. Why can’t I get that message to my heart?”

Listen carefully: the enemy of our souls has more to gain by our setbacks than by our succumbing to an initial assault. The former is infinitely more demoralizing. Far more liable to make us feel hopeless and tempt us to quit. We can rationalize – even truthfully – that an initial assault caught us by surprise. Setbacks, on the other hand, just make us feel weak and stupid: I should have conquered this by now. I happened on a question not long ago that perfectly expresses this mentality: How many times must I prove myself an idiot? 

I hate that I can still be so easily shaken, and somehow I convince myself that if I could just develop a healthy enough psyche, life couldn’t touch me. I’d be completely immovable. One thing keeps nagging at me, though. A man with an incomparable heart for God once confessed, “When I felt secure, I said, ‘I will not be shaken.’ O Lord, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed” (Psalm 30: 6-7)

…To be honest, I don’t know whether you and I are at a common place right now. I just have a hunch. See if this sounds like something that could erupt from your own pen: I’m sick to death of insecurity. It’s been a terrible companion. A very bad friend. It promised to always think of me first and meticulously look out for my best interests. It vowed to stay focused on me and help me not get hurt or forgotten. Instead, insecurity invaded every part of my life, betrayed me, and sold me out more times that I can count. It’s time I got healthy enough emotionally to choose my lifelong companions better. This one needs to get dumped. … Thank God, a time comes in a willing life when you’re ready to face a Goliath-sized foe all by itself and fight it to the stinking death.

Taken from So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore