You, my firstborn, my sweet little baby. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about becoming your mom. For most of the last 33 weeks I thought about being pregnant and how my body was changing and the ways in which you were growing. But now I’ve been thinking less about my pregnancy and more about what it means to take on the title of mommy.
Mom seems like an awfully weighty job description with more responsibility than I know what to do with. I’ll admit that sometimes I’m not entirely sure that I’m up for the task! I think about my own mom, your “mimi” as we already call her, and I realize what a crucial, weighty role it is to be a mom: to be a comforter, cheerleader, challenger, encourager and disciplinarian all at once. I know that there is nothing in the world that feels quite as wonderful as a hug from your mom, especially on days when life doesn’t go quite as planned and leaves you feeling a little worse for wear. I feel so humbled that I get to be the one to give you those hugs and make you feel comforted and cared for in a way that no one else can.
Lately I’ve become keenly aware of the responsibility that comes with being your parent. I’ve grown to understand the impact that your early, formative years will have on the rest of your life and how your dad and I carry the weight of that responsibility on our shoulders. I know that no parent is perfect, that we’re all flawed in one way or another, but to the best of my ability my desire is to mold and shape you into the most complete person you can be. I want you to believe that you can do anything and have the courage to go forth and try, knowing your parents have your back even if you fail along the way. And trust me, you will fail, and that’s okay. Life is less about your failures and more about how you recover, anyway.
I pray that you’re fearless, bold, creative, expressive and kind. And, I’ll admit, your dad and I have spent plenty of time on our knees in prayer, hoping that you also happen to love sleep as much as your parents! More than anything, my prayer is that you internalize your deep, profound worth found in being God’s child, independent of all achievements and accolades you may gather up along the way. I know that along the way we will fail you, and when we do I’m thankful that we have a loving, grace-giving and merciful God to guide us and cover our own failures as parents with the grace we don’t deserve.
Little one, I’m so excited to be your mom. I can’t wait to see your face and squeeze those little feet that are constantly causing me to double over in pain when you kick me time and time again. I pray that the next 6-ish weeks go quickly, but for now I’m thankful for each day that I get to take you with me wherever I go.