It’s 9 pm on a Tuesday night and I’m sitting in a very quiet salon, under the blowdryer, having my hair done. Usually I’m not one to enjoy being out and about on a weeknight relatively late (yes, 9 pm on a weeknight is late, thankyouverymuch) but tonight it feels pretty darn nice to savor a little peace and quiet.
I’m not sure I have a cohesive post in my head right now, so I thought I would share a little bit of this and that, perhaps the same way I might talk if we were having a real life coffee date?
If we were sitting at my new favorite little local coffee shop in our small town, I would probably tell you about our home renovation and how difficult it’s been living in the basement. It seems more than a little silly and spoiled to complain about living in a basement while we are renovating our home, a luxury. But being a work-at-home mom means my home is my office, too, and living in a basement most of the time is a real zap on creativity and energy. And I’m super sick of lugging laundry all over the place while our washer and dryer is out of commission.
I’ve been praying a lot for real, honest and meaningful friendships in Iowa. There were things I wish I had done differently in Minneapolis – relationships I wish we had fostered more and others I wish I had spent less time on, and I hope not to make those same mistakes here. I’m really not great at small talk – I say the most awkward things sometimes! But I feel encouraged by some of the relationships that have already started to develop here and I’m hoping that they continue to grow over time. New towns and new lives take lots and lots of time before things start to feel comfortable.
When Ainsley turned 9 months old we suddenly started getting asked questions about when we were going to have another baby. Really? I still refer to myself as a “new mom” for crying out loud. There are days when I tell Joe we should have 5 kids and days when I think 1 is just great. I hope, someday, to land somewhere in between. But the truth is, my struggle to stay pregnant and Ainsley’s medical scare during the first couple months of life really scared me silly.
I’ve been growing my hair out for almost two years. It’s finally gotten to the pre-determined length that I decided would be legitimately “long” hair and yet it feels like it needs to be 2 or 3 inches longer. I write about this because I’m realizing that enough is never enough, you know? Jesus is the only thing that is ever enough, and I’m constantly realizing that I need to point my needy, hungry, broken heart back to him. Long hair will never be long enough, skinny and fit will never be skinny or fit enough. The list goes on and on.
The only workouts I manage these days are 30 minute Beachbody workouts on my laptop during nap time or before Ainsley wakes up. They’re enough to keep me fit and feeling good, but I do miss long runs and good sweat sessions at the gym. Hoping that 2016 ushers in more of those type of workouts and a few races, too.
Having a baby has gotten significantly easier. The other night Joe and I put Ainsley to bed. We gave her a bottle, read her a book and said a prayer over her after brushing her teeth. Then we laid her down in her crib, shut the door and that was that. She went to sleep for 10 straight hours, ate a bottle, and then slept 2 more. If you would have told me that it would be this like this when Ainsley was a couple months old I wouldn’t have believed it myself. All those hours of rocking and bouncing and going back into her room time after time? Exhausting and completely overwhelming. I knew that it was a passing phase but I don’t think I really believed it.
I might also mention that lately I’m struggling with social media and my phone. It’s my job to connect and share and create content online – through my blog and recipes and the company I work for – and at the same time I feel so conflicted about my relationship with social media. Like, maybe it’s unhealthy? I’m looking for a way to better create boundaries around it without throwing it all away. If you have tips or things that have been good for you and your family, I would love to hear them!
And for now, that’s it. If you’ve made it this far, kudos to you! Looking forward to connecting and sharing and chatting more in the year to come.
Madison